I like the rain.

It's quite nice. Especially summer rain, where it's humid and drizzly. I can sit outside on my little porch and just watch it fall. Listen to it's pitter-patter. It's graceful in a subtle kind of way, particularly soothing to listen to. 

   Sitting outside and listening to the rain is a nice escape from always listening to my humans talk. They never really seem to stop talking, and not even about anything that interesting. Politics, music, clothing, sports, just yawn worthy stuff. I prefer when they talk of food,  or even better, when they're totally quiet, so I can just sleep peacefully. 

  Humans rarely do shut up however, so those quiet little moments in the rain are the best. 

Now if you excuse me, I have rain to watch. 

Story-time with Clark

One day, a few years back or so, I did something stupid.
I know that you're shocked, but try to let in sink it, every Cat has a moment when they act a little human.
I was just wondering about my neighborhood, hopping into people's backyards, killing small animals, etc. When I saw it in one of my neighbor's yards. (Really one of my yard's, as everything is mine)

It was really ugly.

Like even uglier than the average human.

It also smelled pretty weird.

It was strangely tiny, a little bit bigger than a fat rabbit, but not that big. I figured it was just some unintelligent, overfed rabbit that had consumed a few too many chemicals or something.

As I was sitting on the fence and watching it, it saw me, and it started yipping at me. A horrible, high-pitched noise that I can only describe as yipping. 

In hindsight- I probably should have seen that it was not just a radioactive obese rabbit, as rabbits don't yip, but I didn't see it.

It was horrid, too loud, too long, and it just wouldn't STOP. After about 5 minutes I thought that it still wouldn't shut up, so I leaped off the fence and attacked it.

It yipped louder and louder, but I didn't care. In just a minute it would stop.

But before I could do that, I would have to show my servants my strange catch. I picked it up and was trying to carry it off so I could rip open it's tiny body and feast on its flesh when a human emerged from the house connected to the yard and started screaming.

I was so startled that I dropped my radioactive, obese rabbit and jumped over the fence.

I strutted on home, putting this little event out of my mind.

I would never have given it a second thought if not for a knock on the door come a few days time.

It was the human who had screamed, with a smaller younger human, who I presumed to be her son cowering behind her.

I was half-asleep, so I wasn't quite listening, but I did count several phrase and snippets of words.

"Your cat... tried to carry off our dog... Chihuahua..."

I was quite confused for a minute, before my nimble brain pieced together everything. My radioactive obese rabbit was actually a dog. And I had almost eaten it.

Pity that I hadn't succeeded.

I was fully awake by then, and had sauntered up to the door to sit behind my servant who had answered the door and stare at the humans with the ugly dog.

They stared at me for a second before making an excuse and leaving.

The whole experience reminded me why I was awesome.

And that concludes story time.

Did you enjoy it? Of course you did, that's hardly a question.

I'm no lolcat.

I am not fat.

Why do people keep saying I am?

I'm just a muscular Cat, and as any intelligent being knows (and even unintelligent beings, namely d-o-g-s) muscle weighs more than fat. It's not that hard to understand.

I don't like being called fat. It makes me feel like one of those cheeseburger-eating lolcatz. It makes me feel bad about myself.

Do any of you humans think that we voluntarily become lolcatz? No. We don't. If you couldn't tell.

I don't like being referred to as "the fat Cat", or "Mr. Chubs" or anything of that manner.

I prefer "Killer", "Handsome McCat", or "Stud Muffin" or anything that really represents my true nature.

It's even worse that this kind of thing is encouraged on the internet today. Most of us Cats hold ourselves in very high regards, and being told that we're just cheeseburger eating butterballs, isn't that great.

Mind you, if you are a bigger kitty, or a cheeseburger eating lolcat, that's absolutely fine too.

But, to all of you humans out there, not all of us are.

So keep that in mind the next time you're building memes, you sill humans.

It's been dull.

Hello loyal followers. 
I'm sure you've been wondering what's been happening in the world of Clark, and, I'm sorry to say, not too much.
I haven't got in any more fights, I haven't killed any more small animals. Nothing.
So yes, I will be blogging more, I know so many of you are begging me too start back up again.
Even on the dullest of days, I'll try to have some kind of blog post up.
No promises though.
-Clark the bored Cat

Happy Holidays!

Hello there peeps! I'm quite preoccupied at the moment, I got some catnip toys and I've been the center of attention, rolling around in them and being adorable. Acting rather high really, but the servants just find it adorable. I question their logic too, but I am pretty adorable, you can't really blame them.
    But I took a break from being high on catnip to offer all of you a Merry Christmas. Or other holiday, really just Merry Holidays in general.
  Why do people always say "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Holidays"?
Humans are confusing.
Well, I should get back to being adorable and acting high now, have to keep the humans entertained.
-Clark the merry Cat

The CD is out!

Hello there peeps. In case you didn't know, I am the spokescat for a truly amazing alliance, The Fayetville Ska Alliance. Here's my original post, (Original Post).
  Their new CD is out! I have to admit, it's incredibly awesome. Catchy, creative, and a new twist on the old holiday tunes. And no, I was not payed to say that. It's all true.
  This is high praise coming from a Cat. We have impeccable taste in music, and, as a Cat, I approve of this CD, even recommend it. That enough should be a fantastic incentive to go and buy it.If you're still not convinced, (and I'm very confuzzled as to why)  it's for a good cause, 100 percent of CD sales will be donated directly to Spay Arkansas, which operates the NWA Spay and Neuter Clinic. Which benefits animals, which is a fantastic thing, and if you don't like animals, I don't like you.
    If you're still not convinced, take a look at this-

 That's right peeps, Number 1. So, that's a fantastic reason in itself.

Even if you don't celebrate Christmas,this CD makes a fantastic present for someone who does.
     If you still don't want to buy it, fine. But you're missing out.
You can buy it here- Amazon, CD Baby, iTunes,  and Google Play.
 What are you waiting for? Go get it!
-Clark the Musical Cat

Faux Cats

Hello Peeps. I was just chilling on my social media accounts, (which you should go follow me on. Go. Follow my awesomeness. Now.) and I began to notice that most "Cats" on the Internet, are actually people! I, of course, being an actual Cat, know that they're not Cats because of the way they talk. For example, in one of these "faux Cat" accounts, the phrase "I tolerate you" becomes- "I WuVVVVVVVVV U!!!!!!111!!!"
  Which, no self-respecting Cat would type like. And all Cats have self respect, because we're very aware of our amazingness. We're also very intelligent. Even the less intelligent Cats of the Internet know how to type correctly. It's insulting really, to be portrayed in such a demeaning and undignified manner. And do you humans really think we call you "Mommy"? Because I've noticed a growing trend of Cats typing things like- "I wuvvvvv my mommy so much she gives me fishhhhh".
   Some human servants can be so dim! While I am aware of you servants loving us, (It's not like I blame you, we're pretty awesome) we do not EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER call you "Mommy" or "Daddy" or any of those little names you believe we do.
     How would you like to have your whole species spread across the Internet, portrayed as imbeciles, writing with horrible grammar? Imagine it for a moment.
   Now do you know the horror? The ridicule? Do you understand how horribly insulting it is?
So stop. 
You hear me, stop.
Or else.
-Clark the Cat